Madder Bio Signs Pact With Boko Haram
It could be recalled that just before Christmas, the flag-bearer of the Satanic Lasmamy People’s Party, Jealous Madder Bio, sneakily left Salonegbo through Guinea-Guinea and travelled to Nigeria for an undisclosed mission. Wikileaks has now laid hands on some classified documents discovered in one of the offices of the destructive Nigerian sect, Boko Haram, showing that Bio visited there and signed an agreement with the sect leaders. Part of the document reads, “Being that, I, Jealous Madder Bio, am an expert in the art of being in government and be a rebel at the same time, i.e. in accordance with my past record as a sobel; being that I know both the tactics of performing extra judicial killings and act as a gentleman simultaneously; being that the Nigerian leader Badluck Joe has refused to support my candidature for the presidency of Salonegbo in the 2012 elections; hereby sign this pact with Boko Haram to transfer all my expertise in making Nigeria ungovernable, so that Boko Haram will in return support my pa-o-pa cause when the time reaches. They will supply me with mercenaries and ammunition before, during and after the elections so that we will force the APC to form a government of national unity….”
EX-CAPT. MADMAN FOR POWER MAJOR ADEYEMI KILLER
(FOR SATANIC LASMAMY PEOPLE’S PARTY) (FOR BOKO HARAM)
SLPP Becomes Amputee
The growing disappointment and disenchantment within the Satanic Lasmamy People’s Party is reaching a boiling-point crescendo, and the centre can no longer hold within its fold. The Chairman of the party, John Bella-Alamin, is under pressure to account for billions of leones entrusted to him for campaigning after having been paid by contestants for the flag-bearership. But what is more alarming to the average party supporter is the spate of defections from the ‘satanic’ party. A party executive has this to say: “When we lost Jam Body (a former Minister in our government) and Borbor Saw-Saw (a former MP) to the APC, we tried to downplay the matter; but then followed prominent people like SB Sack-all ( a former Ambassador) and AO Kamarank ( another former MP). Today all the Lokos of Bombali who were our ardent supporters have publicly declared for the APC. We have lost our former foremost writer Sylbia Burden, our metropolitan coordinator Lastman Fadican, our female leader Haja Arabic, another former MP Mousa Tawakaltu. A former presidential aspirant, John Lee, and now Solo B’s former blue-eyed boy John Sand-Sand have all defected from our party. To be frank, our party’s hands and feet have been cut off. We are an amputee party right now.”
Solo B Tries To Hoodwink President?
A letter written by the former caretaker and cook of Solo B has been tracked by Wikileaks. The two, Borbor Belleh and Swegbeh, currently in Pandora’s prison, have stated that they never expected a plan they hatched with the former presidential contestant would end up this way, and have threatened to expose everything if immediate steps are not taken to redress the situation. Part of the letter, smuggled from prison, reads, “Dear Solo B, Why have you decided to treat us like this? You told us that this was a plan to make us all get money from the president because he will be sympathetic and give us the money. You had told us that when the case is reported and brought to court, you would ask for a bail for us; now you have dumped us here for your own selfish reasons. Please ensure that we are released on the next adjournment date; and if the President gives you anything, please this time we share it equally. You know that the last time when you faked the illness, and we helped you in making this work, you refused to give us our agreed share. Now if this plan works, please don’t treat us like last time; if not we are going to expose everything…”